not looking forward to the 13.02.2010

have a bad feeling about that day. wish could escape it.but cant.so have to face it.damm.

i keep going through the same thing over and over again but i still cant change myself.

gosh. i am really weak with no determination to overcome it.

she really left me speechless...

its hard to say what the real reason is but i really dont like her...i dont hate her just dont like her..
we as students are here to get education that we dont have. we are here to get the skills that are necessary and we are paying..
what is the point of doing a job you are not good at it
what is the point of taking your monthly pay when when you are clearly taking advantage of your situation
you know that we will do anything just to pass our exams
you know that we are paying and dont want to waste our time
so for you..just talking and reading something that clearly you are not good at and putting fate on the line
she is clearly gambling with our lives.

PART 1
i am in this road
i made the choice and i am sticking with it till the end
i am going to be the best
an excellent one

yet this road is really a difficult one

which one isnt right?

i chose this road alone

no one influenced me

just me

so right now it feels like i am walking alone

dont be mistaken, i am not complaining

its just walking alone its starting to weigh up..

i dont know how to explain nor do i know how to tell someone about it..

i dont think its meant to be told...its meant for me to deal with it alone..

PART 2

alone

this word its really a part of my life

i like being alone

that is when i shut the entire world out and the only ones left is me, myself and i

it gives me chance to comfort myself

there are certain things that i cant say out

i dont wish to say out

so the only way for me get through it its just by comforting myself( it works though)

but sometimes

it gets really difficult to deal somethings alone

i cant complain

because complaining means i cant do it

i cant cry because i dont want and will not look weak

i know its stupid to feel this way

i wouldnt want my friends to be thinking this way

but if you know me then you should know my own advice doesnt work for me

i know i can do this

i can get through this

i know i can

i have to

but sometimes my own weakness gets the best of me

and everything falls back to square one

and i have to start all over

but i wont complain because if its something i have to do to be the best i will do it

PART 3

i am pushing myself to be the best

i dont want other people to force me to be the best

i want to be the one forcing myself

so if i make a mistake

i can blame myself

if insecurity comes in i have to blame myself

if others can do it well and i cant i have to blame myself

i am my own judge

PART4

i beg myself to be the best

PART 5

i cant cry so i smile

PART6

i will get through this. i know i will.. and as for my friends dont worry...my life is worth too much for me to be sad and depressed =))